Who wants to be a parliamentarian?

by InvisibleWriter001

Let’s have a reality show. Let’s have a show where the audiences will get to choose their parliamentarian via sms and internet voting. Let’s have Paula, Simon, Randy and the beautiful Kara as the judges.

I see this as competition as the best solution in getting new MPs. We will get better MPs, at least better than our regular not-so-funny circus clowns. What we currently have here are clowns who can’t communicate or articulate. What they’re capable of doing best is defecate on our head.

And these despicable acts have to end. And mind you, the feces stink to high heaven!
Let’s go back to this reality show. How are we going to conduct or organize this show? Do we need a beautiful or handsome host? I believe in equality. So, let’s have a transgender host. If we can’t find one here, we can always import from Thailand.

Once we have the host and the judges in place, we need to agree on the selection criteria. Who can we allow to participate in this reality show. Should we follow the American Idol path where only those below 30 can participate or follow the AF sell-out path where almost anyone can take part?

Ok, we are neither gonna follow American Idol nor AF. We’re gonna make our own rules. First and foremost the candidates must be able to sing. This is will come in handy whenever they were invited to contribute a song during charity concert.

Next criteria, they must be able to act. This is important whenever they need to relay or convey messages or speeches with negative connotation, with poker face. No emotions or whatsoever on their faces.

The following criteria is the ability to duck without warning. Over the last few months we’ve already seen 2 cases of flying shoes. And producers believe the trend will arrive on our shore very soon.

So, it’s important to have the ability to duck. No protective headgear will be provided or allowed in this show.

Next is the ability to tell lies in a saintly manner. Saints don’t lie and politicians lie to the bone. So how do you turn politicians into an angel. Easy, put an orphaned baby on their lap and call them ‘Srikandi Gaza’.

The ability to run is equally important as the rest. The candidates or contestants must be able to dash 100 meters in less than 9.5 seconds. This skill is useful to escape from problems, angry voters, Ah Long and also the 1st wife. Please remember, the ability to carry your leader’s balls is considered a plus point.

One must also be able to empathize and sympathize on cue. The ability to shed tears on cue is highly commendable. For this act alone, you’ll be awarded with Anugerah Pelakon Harapan from Festival Filem Malaysia.

What about criteria that are not needed? There are various reasons that will disqualify a contestant. First, is the look. Only the good looking ones are taken. The ugly ones will be taken to Pulau Jerejak.

Those with voices equivalent to an ants will also be rejected. We need someone with a vocal cord as powerful as someone who have just swallowed a microphone. The said person must be loud enough that he’ll be able to wake up a sleeping bear with a single call.

The contestants must also have the ability to move in slow motion. This talent will benefits them whenever they need to act in slowly and in difficult situation. It’ll come in handy whenever they need to give out land deeds.

Last but not least, the said person must be able to ‘kiss ass’ without feeling guilty. The contestants will be required to do this kissing act live on National TV.

Whoever the winner is has a huge burden to carry on their shoulder. This is a position where everyone would like to be in but don’t want to take the responsibility. Unfortunately it comes as a package. Take both or leave it.

(http://www.anti-malaysian.blogspot.com/)