THANK GOD I SURVIVED MALAYSIAN POLITICS!

by INVISIBLEWRITER001

1. I you wanna jump into politics? Malaysian politics to be precise? You need to master a few ‘kemahiran’

2. The ability to jump like a frog. “The higher you jump, the harder you fall” does not fit into

3. Malaysian Politics equilibrium. Jumping will take you to higher ground.

4. Learn to speak without thinking.

5. Never remember what you’ve spoken yesterday. It’ll forever haunt you.

6. Learn how to ‘derhaka’

7. Do not mind your own business

8. Eat lotsa ‘Tempe’ if you aim to be pleasing in the eye of your constituents

9. Do not maintain your car. The state government will take care of it.

10. Get a blog but get someone to write for you.

11. Befriend ‘bomohs’ and ‘pawangs’.

12. Always carry an electronic device to check for bugs and hidden cameras.

13. Have a PhD. Anything from USA or England worth quite a lot in terms of career prospect. Worst case scenario, anything from Sudan is good enough.

14. Knows how to sing. Memories a song or two. “My Way” never failed to impress.

15. Go after local celebrities. Make them 2nd or 3rd wife.

16. Have colorful arrays of ‘Baju Melayu’ but only black colored songkoks. Do not try to emulate the late Sudirman’s Baju Melayu.

17. Don’t learn to speak English

18. Have selective amnesia

19. Fight for presidency of any sports association. Kabbadi and Silambam are good enough. If there ain’t enough for all politicians, create new ones. Persatuan Guli Unggul Malaysia (PENGULUM), Kesatuan Lompat Katak Kebangsaan (KELOPAK) or Kersatuan Congkak Kebangsaan (KOKAK).

20. Play badminton

21. Support Manchester United

22. Do not question your leader

23. Make sure your sons are AP holder. Not 1 AP but a few APs.

24. Learn to say “It wasn’t me” or “Let the court decide”

25. Must not have any food allergies. Due to lotsa functions and meetings you have to attend, be
prepared to have a gamut of food!

26. Always remember that the rakyats are no smarter than you. That’s why they got you to represent them.

27. Develop good sense of humor. Preferably jokes where you the only one who understands it.

28. Practice your plastic smile and master beauty queen wave.

29. Have a stunt double, in case you infuriate some kampong folks.

30. Always give whatever the constituents wants.

Above are some of the qualities needed to be a politician in Malaysia regardless race or political parties you support. This list might expand over time. But remember, whatever quality you might have, cash money does make wonders. I have RM10 in my bank account and I wanna be a politician.